We Only Breathe For So Long
by lostandinsecure
Summary: Craig Manning and Ellie Nash became best friends over the summer, but what exactly happened during the summer before senior year? / Title used to be "All You Did Was Save My Life", since I changed the plot it didn't really fit. Rated T for cutting.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

**I still remember those two days like they were just last week.**

"_There's a mental health group for teens, tonight at the rec center. "_

"_Have you not noticed my desperate urge to talk about something else?"_

"_Look, its one night. And if you hate it, don't go back."_

"_Prediction? I will hate it."_

"_So you'll go?"_

_He nodded slightly._

"_Good."_

* * *

><p><em>In the small, beige room, there were about eight teens sitting in a circle, the group leader, and one empty seat. An anorexic girl named Nancy was talking about gaining 'so much weight', even though she probably ate hardly anything. A blonde boy asked her if she 'revealed herself as an anorexic depressive', and the group leader said to him that it must have been a positive experience for Nancy. <em>

"_I'm with him. I wouldn't tell anyone if I didn't have to."_

"_Well, let's talk about why you feel that."_

"_Okay, um… Once people think you're crazy, I think they just think about that. You stop treating you like you're you."_

_She walked in as he finished his sentence._

"_Sorry I'm late."_

_She took the empty seat across the room from him._

"_Welcome, Ellie. We're talking about stigmatization. Craig?"_

"… _That's all I had to say."_

* * *

><p><em>He was angry.<em>

"_Okay… it's a good thing I know mood swings are common when you first start the meds."_

"_You sent me. To __**Ellie's**__ group!"_

"_Which she loves! I didn't think you'd mind!"_

"_Well then you didn't think at all."_

* * *

><p><em>After school that afternoon, there was a knock at his door. He answered it, and she was standing there.<em>

"_Know how to re-string a guitar?"_

_She smiled._

_He was annoyed._

"_Get Ash to, she's good at forcing things."_

"_Like, forcing me to come here with this paper thin guitar excuse?"_

_He was silent._

"_Craig, I used to cut myself."_

_He was hesitant._

"_I know."_

"_And what's bizarre is that I'm always going to be a cutter. Even if I don't do it for years, it's still me."_

"…_Well that sucks."_

"_It just- it just is. It doesn't matter how I feel, or how anyone else feels."_

"_I'm bipolar. And apparently, it doesn't matter if I think that sucks either."_

"_They think Kurt Cobain was bipolar."_

"…_Yeah."_

_He smiled._

"_If he just accepted it, maybe it all would have been different." _


	2. Over my Head

**Woot! Chapter one is finito. I'm getting a head start on Chapter two, so hopefully it will be done and posted tomorrow, along with a possible chapter three if I'm inspired? **

**Also, the format for this story is going to be in different POVs, switching from Ellie to Craig each chapter. Also, each of my chapters are named after songs. I have most of them planned right now :)**

**I enjoyed writing this, so hopefully you all enjoy reading it aswell :)**

* * *

><p><strong>I forgot to add a disclaimer to the Prologue, and that's probably the thing that needs the most disclaimer. :S<strong>

**So, I do NOT own Degrassi, and I don't own any of the dialogue that I posted in my last chapter. Oopsie.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter One;<strong>

_**Over my Head**_

"_**It's coming down to nothing more than apathy.**_

_**I'd rather run the other way than stay and see the smoke,**_

_**And who's still standing when it clears."**_

_Over My Head – The Fray_

* * *

><p><em><strong>July 13<strong>__**th**_

It was a cold, rainy, July afternoon. It was kind of dreary out and I was incredibly bored. Just as if on command, I received a text message from Craig Manning, my summer BFF while Marco was on a safari in Africa.

"El! Come over right now. I have a surprise! – Craig "

I smiled, and replied immediately, saying that I would be there in ten minutes. I loved hanging out with Craig. I thought, as I pulled on my boots and my hoodie. My mom was in the living room, watching TV on the couch. I waved goodbye to her, and she reminded me (again) of my 11:00 curfew. Although it was mid-July, it was freezing due to the wind-chill. I reached in my pocket, turned my iPod on, put my earphones in, and pulled my hood further over my face.

My music blared in my ears as I walked to Joey and Craig's house. It wasn't a long walk, so I arrived within ten minutes. I had a spring in my step today, so I hopped over puddles in Craig's drive way, and basically skipped all the way to the garage door. The curtain over the door's window was half open, so I could see inside a bit. Craig was shirtless! I grinned for a second, but knocked on the door like I didn't see anything. _Awkward…ish?_ I thought, and laughed to myself a bit. He came over, unlocked and opened the door as he pulled his shirt over his chest. "El! That was quick. Come in." He smiled.

I followed him inside his garage. It was heated, so I took off my hoodie and my boots. Of course, I still had a long sleeved shirt on, because of the scars. Sure, Craig and I had been going to group for the past three months, and he knew basically everything, but I still wasn't comfortable showing him the scars. Not a lot of people had seen them, and he wasn't going to be one of them any time soon.

I shook the thought out of my head, and sat on the big leather couch at the far side of the garage. "So, what's this surprise you had for me?" Craig grinned, and then walked over to the opposite side of the room, and started ruffling through his closet. "I was at that old-school music store downtown last night with Jimmy and Marco. I accidentally knocked over a rack of shirts, and one of them stuck out to me. I thought of you as soon as I saw it so I bought it. Think of it as a thank-you gift." He dug around a bit more in the closet, and then pulled out a plastic bag with "South side Sound" on the front. He tossed the bag over to me and smiled. I smiled back. "You shouldn't have, Craig. Why exactly are you thanking me?" I said, before opening the bag. "Well, if it wasn't for you, than Ashley would have never told me to go to your group. I wouldn't be doing half as well as I am right now if it weren't for you, Ellie. Now open it, before I regret buying it!" He bit his lip, a cute habit of his, and urged me on to open it.

As much as I disliked the fact that he spent money on me, I couldn't resist but to open the gift. I stuck my hand in the bag and pulled out a black _Rolling Stones_ shirt. It was an original from the 70's, and it was in perfect condition. "Craig! I love it!" I was so incredibly happy! This was, surprisingly, one of the best gifts I'd ever received. "I knew you would. That's why I got it for you, I like seeing you happy." He smiled.

I then noticed the price tag. "Craig, this was fifty bucks. Don't you think it's a little much?" I was concerned now. I figured he bought it because it was one sale or something. "Good job Ellie, you can read numbers. And yeah, it's a little much, but it's worth seeing you happy. And I had to say thanks for everything you've done for me. Now accept the gift and shut up, Nash." I blushed. He always flirted like that. "Are you sure it's no big deal? 'Cause now that I've fallen in love with this shirt I don't think I'll be able to give it back." I admitted. "It's seriously not a big deal, El. I'm really, really glad that you like it." He sat next to me on the couch. "Well, I really, really like it. Thanks." We smiled at each other, and I gave him a hug. He hugged me back, and as soon as he wrapped his arms around me, I knew something was for certain.

I was starting to have feelings for my best friend's boyfriend.

I quickly retreated from the hug, feeling kind of embarrassed that I just did that stupid thing. _I should just leave now…_ _Ash and Craig are pretty much in love. Plus, Ashley is my best friend! Just because she's in England doesn't mean that I can like her boyfriend. _My mind was racing. For a second, I felt like… Dare I say it; **Manny.**

I almost gagged at the thought of her name. _I will never be like Manny Santos. Never ever, ever, ever!_

"Hey, El, you okay? You look like you're going to barf. Like, I know I'm disgusting, but the least you can do is pretend I'm not." He joked, and then smirked. "Hey! You're not gross, nor am I going to barf." I punched him playfully on the arm. "Oh, no you didn't! This means war, Miss Nash!" He punched me playfully back. "Oh, it's on Manning!"

We wrestled on the couch for a couple minutes, and we both fell to the floor giggling and wrestling. He rolled on top of me and pinned me down on the floor, and he smiled. "I got 'cha now, El. Try to get out of this one!" I tried to wiggle free, but he was too strong. "Let me go, Craig!" I managed to get an actual sentence out through the giggling.

Our wrestling match was just getting good, when the worst thing ever happened.

Joey walked in.

Craig quickly broke his pin on me and moved away. "Hey Joe, what's up?" He said awkwardly. I blushed furiously. _This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening. _I thought, and hid my face behind a curtain of hair. "Oh, nothing Craig. Just checking up on you two… Hello Ellie, how are you?" He said, obviously feeling almost as awkward as Craig and I. "I-I'm good, thanks." I could feel my face getting hotter. "Well that's good. Anyway, Craig, I came to tell you that Ashley called this morning and she wants you to e-mail her ASAP. Think you can do that?" Joey leaned on the door frame. "Yeah, I'll e-mail her later on." Craig gave Joey a, "you can leave now" look, and Joey stood up straight again. "Alright, well I'll check up on you two later. See you guys." Joey gave Craig a concerned look, and left us alone again.

I sighed, and Craig just laughed. "God, El. You think everything is the end of the world, don't you? You should have seen your face!" He grinned, and I grabbed a pillow from the couch and hit him hard across the arm. "Shut up, Manning!" He looked at me for a minute, and we both burst out into laughter.


	3. Let it Die

**A/N:**

**Not the best chapter. It had it's moments, but better chapters are coming, don't worry.**

**I've been really focused on my other story I'm writing right now. I'm spending most of my time on that story, but when I'm finished that one I'll probably produce better chapters for this one. :p**

**Check out my other story, it's Crellie as well :) It's called Accidents.**

**Anyway, Enjoy!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Two;<strong>

_**Let it Die**_

"_**I swear, I never meant to let it die.**_

_**I just don't care about you anymore.**_

_**It's not fair when you say that I didn't try.**_

_**I just don't care about you anymore."**_

_Let it Die – Three Days Grace._

* * *

><p><em><strong>July 17<strong>__**th**_

"Craig, this is the third time this week Ashley's called wanting you to e-mail her. I think it's time you talk to her, it could be important." Joey woke me up that morning (afternoon, actually), nagging me again to e-mail Ashley.

"Joey, why do you want me to e-mail her? She's not your girlfriend, is she?" I said to him, still half-asleep and groggy. My reason for not e-mailing Ash? I'm lazy. Besides, she's probably just going to break up with me via e-mail. Knowing her, that's probably exactly what she would do to get me back. I guess I deserve it after all the shit I put her through over the last two years. There was the infamous Manny Santos incident times three, getting Manny pregnant, and not knowing how to say "I love you". I grew up over the last year, that's for sure. I'll never forget Joey's rule: _No glove, no love._ That became my new life motto after the Manny incident in grade ten.

I sat up in bed and stretched. I checked my phone, no texts from El yet. _She probably isn't up yet either,_ I thought. We were up until 7 in the morning IMing, and she probably wasn't nagged to death by her mom to wake up. I rubbed my eyes, and pulled my laptop off the floor and onto my bed. I opened my laptop, and I automatically smiled when my desktop image popped up. It was a picture of Ellie, Marco and I by Marco's pool. I remember that day like it was yesterday.

It was sunny, a perfect June day. Marco had a few of our classmates over to go swimming as an end-of-the-year celebration type thing. Only a few showed up; Paige, Hazel, Ellie, Jimmy, and I. Ellie and Jimmy didn't swim, for obvious reasons. Ellie, because she didn't want people seeing her scars, and Jimmy because… Well, the big hunk of metal he's confined to for the rest of his life. He went anyway, just to make Marco happy, and to give El some company, although they don't have much in common.

I didn't swim much; I mostly just hung around Jimmy and Ellie by the pool. _Spinner would love this…_ I would never admit to that thought, of course. I hated how Spinner was treated by everyone, even if he had indirect part in the shooting.

I shook the thought away, and focused on the memory of Marco's pool party again. Jimmy was listening to music and leaning back in his chair, and Ellie was reading. I sat next to her, and we talked for a long time. Mostly about Ash leaving, but by the time we were done chatting, Hazel and Paige were already gone. Marco ordered Ellie and me to pose with him, as he gave Jimmy the camera to take a picture. Marco was on the left side, Ellie was in the middle, and I was on the right. Marco made a funny face, and Ellie and I just smiled normally.

Kind of a bizarre picture, but I liked it. It was the first time Ellie and I had hung out one-on-one. I always just thought of her as Ashley's psycho friend who I knew almost everything about (group therapy is a great way to learn peoples' secrets, huh?), but after that day at Marco's, my entire outlook on Ellie Nash changed. And that leads us to this month; Ellie and I being the best of friends.

I smiled at the picture once more before opening my web browser and going into my e-mail. _Typical…_ I had six e-mails from Ashley, all of which saying things like, "Answer ASAP!" and "I need to talk to you pronto!" I sighed, and clicked on the latest one.

Ashley,

I'm sorry I haven't been able to e-mail you, or take your phone calls lately. I've been busy…

_**With your best friend.**_

I erased the sentence I typed. I needed a different start. Maybe open with some humour?

Dear Ashley,

Oh my god, your boyfriend is actually e-mailing you! This must be a moment to be documented in history books ;)

_**I wonder what Ellie's doing today…**_

I deleted my new sentence also. Why must my thoughts choose right now to invade on my concentration? Why couldn't they just wait until September, when I don't want to concentrate?

_Don't think about Ellie. Don't think about Ellie. Don't think about Ellie._

_**Think about Ellie. Think about Ellie. Think about Ellie.**_

"Gah!" I lay down on my bed with my face in my hands.

_Why can't I stop thinking about her?_

_**Because you liiiiiiiike her.**_

I sat up again. What was I thinking? Ellie is my girlfriend's best friend. I could never be with her. I won't make the Manny mistake again, even if Ellie and Manny are complete opposites. Never again.

_**Come on, Craig. Break up with Ash.**_

I shook the thought away, and closed my computer. Ash and I have been through so much together. I don't want to hurt her again.

However, breaking up with her is the best thing to do.

_Dear Ashley,_

_I know, it's been forever since I've talked to you last. I'm not going to make up lame excuses this time, though. Truth is, I've been putting off talking to you. I haven't seen you in a month, Ash. I miss you and all, but honestly, I can't deal with the long-distance thing. I'm not going to lie; I think I might like someone. I don't want to of course, because you're still my girlfriend and all, but it's hard not to. _

_Don't hate me for hurting you again, but I don't want to make the same mistake as last time; staying with you even though I liked someone else. I'm sorry Ash, but I think it's time we break up. I'll always love you, and you know that, but right now we shouldn't be together. I hope you understand._

_Craig_

I read the e-mail over and over, checking for any spelling or grammatical errors. I sighed, and clicked send.

_I just hope this is the right thing to do._


	4. Blame it on the Rain

**A/N!**

**! I haven't updated in forever. Writer's block is a bitch.**

**I'm turning my focus to this story now, seeing as I haven't really payed attention to it since I first published it. I had the entire plot outline done and I lost it a few weeks ago, and I just re-wrote the entire thing from memory. It gets more interesting in the next few chapters!**

**Review pleaaaasee :) Every review I get gives me motivation to keep writing!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Three;<strong>

**Blame it on the Rain**

"_**You've got me caught in all this mess.**_

_**I guess we can blame it on the rain.**_

_**My pain is knowing I can't have you.**_

_**Tell me does she look at you the way I do?"**_

_Blame it on the Rain – He is We_

_**July 19**__**th**_

I sat on my bed staring at the ceiling fan circling around and around. It was pouring rain outside for the sixth day in a row, and I was completely bored with sitting around the house.

No texts from Craig. No calls from Marco. _Nothing._

_Ugh..._ I thought angrily. "Is there not anything to do in this damn house?" I said quietly to myself. I already knew the answer to that question; no. There was **never** anything to do here. Mom was at work, we had no satellite because the weather made the signals all static-y, and I had no one to talk to online. My iPod was dead, I didn't have any motivation to read a book, and I sure as hell didn't want to clean my room.

My computer screen blinked to life, and my "new e-mail" sound chimed out of the speakers. I shot up out of bed and almost ran to my desk. _It's Ash!_ I smiled, and clicked on the e-mail. The subject line was _"CRISIS :(:(:("_, and I suddenly wasn't very excited anymore.

_CRISIS, EL!_

_Why do I fall for stupid boys? Boys that only break my heart? UGH!_

_Craig Manning did it again. He broke up with me through e-mail this time. I can't believe he's doing this to me again, Ellie. I'm a good person! I really do not deserve this. He said that he likes someone else. Although I'm happy he told me before he had sex with this new slut (hopefully not Manny! If it is, I'll shoot him), I'm still pissed off. Do I mean nothing to him? Seriously? He makes me want to scream! I've been crying hysterically for the past day and a half. I think I'm going to ask dad to get me an application to this music school in London, then I'll never have to come back to Degrassi, and I'll never have to see Craig, and I'll never have to see his new girlfriend._

_I know that you and Craig have been hanging out a little this summer, so you guys are close right? You should do me a huge favour! Try to figure out who this new girl is, and then tell me who she is? I'll be forever in your debt, Miss Nash! 3_

_I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be around for senior year. I love you and the gang to death but I just can't face Craig. Not again, El. Forgive me! :(_

_Xoxox,_

_Ash. 3_

The next few moments after reading Ashley's e-mail, I had no idea how I felt. _He broke up with her? She's not coming back?_ Mixtures of feelings were racing through my mind; anger, sadness, confusion... I didn't know what to think.

I didn't think about what I was doing. I just followed my first instinct. I left the e-mail without replying, grabbed my jacket and boots and stormed out the door. I practically ran to Craig's house, splashing through puddles of rain and mud on the street. When I arrived at his house, I knocked violently at the door, wishing it was Craig's face that I was hitting repeatedly with my fist.

"Ten A.M., Ellie. You know there's a thing called sleep? You should try it." Craig said with a yawn when he opened the door.

I was seething with rage. "Craig Manning, inside, now." I said, and pushed him inside the garage. "That's what she said." Craig grinned. Usually I would laugh at this immature sex joke, but I was too angry to even crack the slightest smile. "Why the hell did you break up with Ash?" I hit him on the arm and then rested my hands on my hips, waiting for an answer. "For one, ouch? And two, I'm surprised she didn't tell you why." He sat on the big leather couch and rested his feet up on the table in front of it. "She did tell me why, but I honestly don't think that was the reason why. You like someone else? It sounds like a lame excuse to me." I didn't sit next to him. I'd be too tempted to kill him.

"It's the truth, Ellie. I swear. I didn't want to make the same mistake that I did in grade ten. I should have told Ashley about Manny, and I didn't want to hurt her like that again. I swear." He sounded honest, but this was Craig. You could never be too sure.

I sighed and sat next to him. "So, who is it? Please don't tell me it's Manny." I looked him in the eyes, and he chuckled. "No, it's not Manny, trust me. I can't tell you who, though." He looked sincere, so I let it go. "Ugh. Well I'm still mad at you."

"Why? What exactly did Ash tell you?" He turned toward me a little and raised one eyebrow.

"Craig, she's not coming back because of you. She said that she doesn't want to see you ever again."

We sat in silence for a minute while it sank in. "S-She's not coming home? What about school?"

I told him everything she said in the e-mail, except for when she asked me to find out who the slut was. He took it all in, and sighed. "This is my entire fault. Your best friend isn't coming back. I feel really bad, Ellie... I'm sorry." He scooted over closer to me where I was sitting, and pulled me into a hug. I was kind of confused as to why he was hugging me, but hell. At least he was hugging me. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my chin on his shoulder. "I'm going to miss her so much, Craig. Don't think it's your fault. Like I said, she was planning on going to that music school for a while. You just kind of gave her that extra push, I guess?" I pulled away from the hug, and Craig sighed.

"Don't hate me Ellie. Please?" He looked down at his feet and sighed. "I always fuck everything up."

"Craig, no you don't. I'll admit, I was a little mad when I came over here, but now I see how upset you are about this." I put my hand on his shoulder. "I didn't want to break up with her. I'm just starting to like this other girl and if I were to cheat on Ash... Well, you know what would happen."

And I did know what would happen. Ash would find out and dump Craig again, then become depressed like she did a year and a half ago. Craig wouldn't know who to choose, and end up hurting both girls in the process. He makes mistakes like any other boy, but he means well. He's just a little bit indecisive, that's all. Not a lot of people get that.

"Come on, Craig. Let's get out of here. To the Dot for a cheer up coffee, perhaps?" I stood up and held out my hand, waiting for Craig to take it. He stood up, linked his arm through mine and we headed out into the rain.

* * *

><p>Although the rain was pouring down on the two of us and we were getting soaking wet, we laughed the entire walk to the Dot. My best friend just told me she's staying in Europe and not coming home, and I was running through the streets with her now ex-boyfriend, laughing and having fun. It just doesn't seem right, huh? I felt bad, but I kept on smiling. I was always smiling around Craig.<p>

When we arrived at the Dot, we ran into the warm building and took our hoods off. Spinner was behind the counter looking incredibly sad. _Figures..._ I thought, looking at his frown. _He got his best friend shot, no wonder he's upset._ I felt bad for Spinner, but I loved Jimmy to death. I'd never tell anybody that, however. No one talked to him anymore for a reason.

Craig and I took a seat by the window, still smiling and laughing. The Dot was practically empty; two grade nines were sitting in a booth across the room, Spinner was behind the counter brewing a new pot of coffee, and then there was Craig and I. "We could have taken a car, you know that right?" Craig took his jacket off and smiled at me. I did the same. "But that's no fun, Mr. Manning!" I leaned over and rested my head against the wall, looking at Craig. Spinner came over with a pad of paper and a pen, wearing his The Dot shirt and apron. This was the first time I saw Spinner since school ended, and he finally cut his hair (thank god). He sighed and looked Craig and I over. "Okay, lovebirds. What'll it be?" He said sarcastically. "Ha, funny. I'll have just a regular coffee." Craig looked at me and smiled. "El?"

"Same for me, I guess." I sat up straight again. Spinner wrote our orders down on his pad of paper and walked back over to the counter.

Spinner didn't have a problem taking his time with our coffee. I drummed my fingers on the table waiting for him to bring them over, and he acted like a complete asshole when he finally did bring us our order. "I should complain to the manager. Poor service." Craig complained so Spinner could hear. Spinner rolled his eyes and continued to scrub the counter. I rolled my eyes as well, and sipped my coffee.

Craig and I drank our coffee and talked for what seemed like the longest time. I loved talking to Craig. I knew that no matter what I told him, he wouldn't judge me. _Maybe that's why I like him so much._ I decided. He was funny, sweet, and an amazing friend. Not to mention, good looking too. I hoped Ashley wouldn't mind if I liked him. And maybe he liked me too.

_I can only hope._

We continued joking around until we were almost finished. We were about to leave when a familiar face walked in.

She looked around for a second until she saw us sitting together in the corner. "Craig! And Ellie..." She walked over and smiled "Manny! Take a seat." Craig smiled and motioned for her to sit with us. Manny grinned and sat in the seat beside Craig. They talked about their summer and what not, made a few jokes, and pretty much forgot I existed. I sighed, and they noticed I was still present.

"So Ellie, how's your summer so far?" She smiled, trying to start a conversation. I started scratching at my arms, a nervous habit I started in grade ten. "Good, I suppose... and yours?" I hated small talk, especially with Manny. "It's great! I've been talking to Kevin Smith about the movie a lot over the past month. Have you seen him since we finished shooting?" She was being cocky about being one of the lead roles, trying to make me jealous. I actually didn't care all that much. "I haven't been talking to him. No big deal to me." She pouted. "Aw, that's not fun." She turned toward Craig and started talking to him again. _She obviously likes him again... Whore._ I watched Manny and Craig flirt for a few more minutes, and had to hold back a gag when she started touching his arm and looking into his eyes.

I cleared my throat, and started putting my jacket back on. "Uh, I'm going to go... I'll see you guys later." I stood up and zipped my jacket up.

"See you Ellie, I'll text you tonight." Craig smiled at me, and then turned back to Manny.

* * *

><p>I left the Dot in a rush, not wanting to be there anymore. I was so incredibly angry with Craig! <em>He totally likes Manny...<em> It was freezing outside, so I had to wrap my arms around me for heat. I listened to the splashing of my boots in the puddles and the sound of the rain hitting the road. _I will not cry. I will not cry._ I repeated in my head as I walked. I hadn't cried in almost two months, and I would not cry again over something as stupid as Craig and Manny. _He's not that awesome, El. You'll get over him._ I told myself as I walked. The rain continued to pour, and I held back tears the entire walk home.

When I finally arrived home, I fiddled around in my pocket for the house key. I put the key into the slot and unlocked the door, and ran upstairs to my room. I entered the dimly lit room and turned my computer back on. I clicked on the e-mail from Ash that morning, and wrote an angry, four paragraph-long reply about Craig and Manny. I felt bad immediately after I sent it to her. _She's going to kill Craig..._ I thought, feeling tears building up in my eyes.

"Ugh!" I said out loud. I got up from the computer, turned the monitor off and jumped face down on my bed, screaming into my pillow.

I then cried for the first time in almost two months until I finally fell asleep. I felt completely horrible.


	5. Don't Stay

**A/N:**

**Hello once again :) I love this chapter. It took a very long time to write, and it has the most words out of any of my chapters I've written for any of my stories, so enjoy!**

**This is also the first out of many chapters of this story to have two POVs. **

**Without further ado, sit back, relax, and enjoy the fourth installment of _"All you did was Save my Life", Don't Stay. _(And don't forget to review!) :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Four;<strong>

_**Don't Stay**_

"_**Forget our memories**_

_**Forget our possibilities**_

_**Take all your faithlessness with you**_

_**Just give me myself back and don't stay"**_

Don't Stay – Linkin Park

* * *

><p><em><strong>July 23<strong>__**rd**_

Confusing.

That's one word that well describes the past few days.

Ellie hasn't talked to me for four days. I was completely confused as to why she hasn't been around, and it's not like she was taking my calls or responding to my texts. It's like she crawled into a dark hole and won't come out. On the other side of the spectrum, Manny has been like a leech in Ellie's absence. It's not like I didn't like having Manny around. Okay, maybe it was. It's horribly awkward because of our history. I'd honestly rather have Ellie around, and Manny was just ruining my chances with her.

I sat in the dim light of the garage waiting for Ellie to text me. _It's been two hours. She's not responding any time soon._ I finally decided. I sighed, sat up and grabbed the neck of my guitar, pulling it up on to my lap. Playing the guitar has always been an escape for me. It helps me calm down more than any medication could. I started absent-mindedly strumming away, playing whatever note came into my head. I finally forgot about Ellie and Manny, and the confusion, drama, and baggage that automatically came along with girls.

After fifteen minutes of mindless guitar-playing, there was a knock on the garage door, bringing me back to reality. I turned around, hoping to see a pair of green eyes and long, curly red hair. However, it was just Manny, grinning like a child in a candy store. I sighed and walked over to the door, letting the leech into the garage. "Hey Craig, how's your day been?" Manny looked as if she had found her old clothes from when she was in grade nine, wearing a short mini skirt, a low-cut top and bright pink heels which didn't match the rest of her outfit at all. She made herself at home on the armchair in the corner and awaited my answer.

"Uh, it's been alright. And yours?" I was uncomfortable in Manny's presence. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought she had been trying to seduce me. "It's been okay, but it's better now that I'm here." She flipped her hair and smiled. "It's been a while since I've been in this garage, but I'm sure you remember."

Okay. I was _positive_ she was trying to seduce me.

"Yeah... Hey! Do you want to go to the park, or the Dot or somewhere?" Trying to get her out of the garage before she insisted I play another song on the guitar for her, and we get a little bit too close on the couch. "What? I was hoping we could stay here." She smirked at me and stood up, then made her way to the couch where I was sitting. I stood up as she sat down, getting sweaty and nervous. "C'mon, I've been cooped up in this garage all day! Let's go somewhere." I almost ran to the door, opening it and motioning for her to come outside. She pouted, but followed me out the door.

As we walked to the Dot, she constantly tried to grab my hand or get closer to me. I would just move my hand or move a few paces over each time until she finally got the hint when we were about to enter the Dot. We took a small, two-person table, and after sitting down she excused herself to the ladies' room.

Spinner, who had recently been dumped by Manny, then walked over to where I was sitting alone. "Back with Manny? Just a few days ago I saw you in here with Ellie. Looks like Mr. Manning is playing the field once again." Spinner winked at me. "Shut up Spin." I pressed my fingers to my temples and sighed. "I don't like Manny. She's like a leech lately." I rested my head on my table and took a deep breath.

"We all know how that feels. So, what'll it be, stud?" Spinner shot me a cocky smile, pulling out his pad of paper. "Same as yesterday, two regular coffees for Manny and I." Spinner wrote our order down and saluted me, then made his way back to the counter. By the time Manny came back from the bathroom, our coffees had arrived and she continued talking about things I had absolutely no interest in. _Oh, how I wish this was Ellie..._ I continued to pretend I was listening, while sipping my coffee and watching the clock above the counter.

After hearing Manny's fifth story about Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes, I was about to nod off. "... and then Jason Mewes said that I was pretty! An actual celebrity thinks I'm pretty! He... Craig? Are you listening to me?" I came back down to earth. Manny was looking at me through deep brown eyes, waiting for a response. "Y-Yeah, of course. Continue." Manny grinned, and started talking about method acting. I checked the clock again. _4:03 PM_. We had been there for a half an hour.

Manny continued talking about herself and started rubbing my feet with hers. I tucked my feet under my chair, hoping she would slip under the table from reaching so far, just so I could make a run for it. I looked out the window across the room, and noticed a head of fiery red hair walking down the street, and into the small coffee shop.

"Ellie!" _Thank god you're here._ She looked surprised, but not at all happy to see me. I looked back at Manny, smiling. She looked at Ellie, looked back at me, and stood up, nearly spilling her full cup of coffee on the table. She then leaned across the table and crashed her lips against mine, full force. Let's just say, it wasn't the best kiss I had ever received. I didn't quite understand what was going on, but when Manny was done attacking me, Ellie was gone and Spinner was laughing his ass off behind the counter.

I was confused and angry. "Manny, what the hell was that about?" I tried to control my temper, but it was no use. Manny just giggled and sat back down. "Why are you so mad? Scared Ellie will go home, lock herself in a closet with a razor blade and a My Chemical Romance CD?" She said, flipping her hair and crossing her legs. Now I was angry. I sat up and put my jacket back on. "For your information, Ellie hasn't cut herself for a long time, Manny. And even if she did it again, she'd still be a hell of a better person than you. You're just an insecure, slutty little girl who has to put everyone else down to make yourself look good. Screw you, Manny Santos." I slapped ten dollars down on the table, and left Manny sitting alone.

I left the Dot in a huff, and Ellie was nowhere to be found. I sighed, checked my phone one more time for a text from her, but my inbox was completely empty. I hurried home, angrily splashing through puddles throughout the streets, trying to forget about Manny Santos and her childish mind games.

* * *

><p>For the rest of the night, I bashed on the drum set in the corner of the garage, trying to get all my pent up anger for Manny out at once.<p>

"What's with all the noise out here? Not even Spinner was this bad at the drums." Joey entered the garage, with Angie following closely behind him. "Craig sucks at the drums!" Angie taunted, sticking out her tongue. I loved my sister, but I wasn't in the mood for family time, and I was sure that showed on my face when they entered the garage. Joey looked concerned, told Angie to go clean up her room, and after a minute of complaining from my small sister, she ran back into the house. Joey shut the door behind her, and took a seat across the drum set.

"What's going on, Craig? You seem upset..." Joey was obviously hinting around, assuming that I hadn't taken my meds yet today. "If you're wondering if I'm going crazy again, you're only half right. I took my pills this morning." I put the drum sticks away and slouched down on the stool, a little bit more calmed down than before.

"I was just wondering. Do you want to talk about whatever is going on right now?" Joey looked at me through worried eyes. "Just girl stuff." I said, my mind wandering back to Ellie, wondering why she left the Dot earlier so upset. "Well, I've had my fair share of girl troubles in my day. I could help, you know." Joey must have his 'helpful father-figure' cap on, judging by his amount of concern. That's one thing I liked about Joey. He cared about things like this, unlike my father, who would probably just tell me to do some summer reading and say that girls just weighed you down in the long run. I could see him saying it now, and if I even thought about arguing with him, he'd get the belt out, or better yet the golf club. I shivered, stood up and took a seat next to Joey.

"You know how I've been hanging out with Ellie all summer, right?" I looked down at my feet, and Joey nodded. "Well, I've err- developed a bit of a crush. So I broke up with Ashley, just so I wouldn't hurt her if anything happened between Ellie and me." I looked to Joey, to see if he was following. "Right, which was a good decision." Joey nodded again. I continued. "Well, when Ellie found out about me dumping Ashley, she was upset, but she forgave me. So we went to the Dot a few days ago and everything was going great, until Manny showed up..."

"Manny? Seriously Craig, are you really going back to her?" Joey shook his head. "You know what happened last time..." Joey looked at me with a concerned look again. "I know! And I don't want Manny, but she wants me. And she kissed me tonight in front of Ellie, which made that perfectly clear." I pressed my fingers to my temples. "Ellie's not speaking to me, Joey. She hasn't said a word to me since Manny came around, and I miss her." After what I said, Joey thought for a second, probably trying to think of the right thing to say. "Well, to me it sounds like Ellie likes you. Go to her house and talk to her, and let her know that Manny's feelings are not requited."

"You know what, Joey? You're right. I'll go down there right now and try and talk to her. Thanks, I owe you." I stood up and patted Joey on the arm, then slung my leather jacket over my shoulder. I saluted Joey on the way out, and began walking down the street to Ellie's.

I just hoped Ellie would understand.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ellie's POV<strong>_

I couldn't believe my eyes.

Manny and Craig kissing? _I knew he liked her... What an asshole!_ I kicked a rock on the sidewalk, and continued storming back to my house. I felt like screaming, and hearing the familiar _tap, tap, tap_ of high heels hitting the sidewalk behind me didn't help my anger at all.

"Ellie! Wait up!" Manny's high-pitched voice got closer with every tap, until she finally caught up to me. "What do you want, Manny?" I was angry, and I had no problem showing it through my voice.

"I just wanted to talk to you about what you just saw." Manny said, panting from trying to catch up with me. I wanted her to leave me alone. "I don't care, Manny. Just leave me alone." I turned around, hoping she would get the hint and go the other way, but she obviously wasn't giving up.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that you should probably stop seeing Craig. He talks about you all the time behind your back, calling you a helpless emo and what-not. If I didn't like Craig so much, I'd stop talking to him too. I just thought I would let you know." Manny turned around and started walking the other way.

I didn't know how I felt about what Manny just said. I couldn't believe that Craig would say such a thing about me, and I also couldn't believe that Manny was being so nice about it. I felt like my heart had been ripped out, and I could barely speak.

"D-Did he really say that?" I finally managed to squeak out. I gulped, and Manny turned back around toward me. "Yeah, and he has for a long time. I've just never had the heart to tell you. Sorry, El, but Craig isn't the guy you thought he was."

I knew Craig. Craig wouldn't say anything like that.

_Or would he?_

I looked at Manny, who looked as if she was expecting an answer. "He wouldn't do that, Manny. I know him... He's my best friend." I looked down at my feet, hoping she would say that she was kidding, and that she and Craig were just friends, or something along those lines.

Oh, how I was wrong. "Yeah, well I know him better. And he just thinks you're crazy like the rest of the world does." She put her hand on her hip, looking strangely like a bobble head. I was pissed. I felt like running over to her and ripping her cheap extensions out of her oversized head.

"You know what, Manny? You're just a slut." Not my best line, I know. But I was just too pissed to think of anything wittier. Her brown eyes burned into my green eyes. She scowled, and sauntered closer to me.

"And you're just jealous that Craig and I are going to start dating again soon. So you should probably end your stupid crush now before you get hurt. I'm just looking out for you." She looked me over, and I looked down at my feet once again. I could hear her heels tap, tap, tapping the other way.

I felt like I couldn't breathe. I pushed back tears, and broke out running the rest of the way home. I couldn't believe that Manny Santos was making me want to bawl my eyes out. It just wasn't right. Her words burned into my brain, and I couldn't get them out of my head until I arrived back home.

**"**_**He talks about you all the time behind your back, calling you a helpless emo and what-not."**_

_**"Craig isn't the guy you thought he was."**_

_"__**He just thinks you're crazy like the rest of the world does."**_

_**"You're just jealous that Craig and I are going to start dating again soon."**_

I slammed the door shut on my way inside my house, hearing an echo throughout the walls. "Eleanor? Why are you slamming doors?" My mother was home from work, peeking her head out from the kitchen with a concerned look on her face. I ignored her and stormed up the stairs to my bedroom, slamming yet another door. As soon as the door was closed, I fell to the floor and began bawling my eyes out, breaking out into little hysterical gasps every now and again.

I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and as much as the thought disgusted me, I didn't care.

_Craig never cared about you. He was just being nice to the crazy one, like Paige had when she saw your arm in grade ten._

_Craig will never want to be with you. He only cares about Manny, and she'll be the only one he ever cares about._

_Craig doesn't want you._

_Sean left you when things got tough._

_Marco abandoned you for the summer._

_Ashley's staying in England forever._

_Your father always extends his missions._

_Nobody cares about you._

I cried even harder thinking about all of the people who left me. I got up from the cold, hardwood floor and walked over to my desk, opened the bottom drawer and found my CD case, which was still filled with different sharp objects, bandages and different disinfectants I would use to clean my cuts. I smiled sheepishly, remembering all the times I had cut myself since I was in grade ten. I had only a few relapses, and I didn't even care if I was going to be throwing away almost a year of being cut-free. I just needed to release all of my bottled up feelings again.

I picked up a small razor blade from the bottom row of 'utensils', that had only been used once. I examined the razor once, seeing a speck of dried blood on one edge. I turned it over so I would be using the clean end to slice through my skin.

I chose an area farther up my arm, by my elbow. I placed the razor on my skin, and started dragging it across my pale, skinny arm. I had almost forgotten how it felt, the searing pain at first, and then the instant relief that followed.

After the first cut, I made two others directly below. And then another, and another. One for everytime someone left me. Blood welled up inside each slit, and then poured out, dripping down the length of my arm. None of the cuts were deep, which I didn't mind. They were cuts, nonetheless. The deepness didn't matter in the end; they all had the same effect.

I lay down on the cold floor, relieved and content.

Not for long, at least.

I heard someone knock on my door, thinking it would be my mother. I scrambled, picking up the razor off the floor, wiping the puddle of blood up with a towel I had on hand, and putting my sweater on in a matter of seconds. "Just a second!" I said in a weak, strained voice. "Ellie, it's me."

That wasn't my mothers' voice.

I dropped everything I was carrying; the razor, the towel, and the CD case. I did not need to see him right now. I was a mess; I had just cut myself because of him, and now he was at my house. I never wanted to see him ever again.

"Go away, Craig."

"Why?"

"Just go." I sat down on the cool floor next to my window, hoping he would just leave me alone.

He was hesitant. "Fine, I'll go. But I just wanted to talk. Call me later, please."

He waited for a response that wasn't coming.

"Goodbye, Ellie."

I held my breath until I heard him going downstairs, saying goodbye to my mother, and shutting the front door behind him.

_Goodbye, Craig._ I thought, and laid down on the floor, curling up on my side facing the wall. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I was tired of keeping them in so much. I started crying again; the most I think I had ever cried in my life. Tears streamed down my face, but this time my sobs were silent. I didn't want my mother to hear me cry. I didn't want anybody to hear me cry.

I didn't know how long I had been crying for, but all I knew was that after a while I had fallen asleep, lost in dreams of Craig Manning for the fourth night in a row.


	6. Here Without You

**A/N**

**Helloooo, sorry for the breif delay. I've been going through some personal and health related issues that will hopefully be resolved soon, and I've been busy with school stuff and my brother's graduation, so I haven't really been able to write as much as I would like. I worked for an entire weekend or more on this chapter (wouldn't let myself sleep tonight until I finished it!) and I hope you all like it a lot.**

**I also changed the name of the story because "All You Did Was Save My Life" (Song by Our Lady Peace) didn't really fit. I changed it to "We Only Breathe For So Long" (We All Roll Along - The Maine), because it fits so much better.**

**Here is the long awaited fifth chapter, "Here Without You"! :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Five;<strong>

_**Here without You**_

"_**A thousand lies have made me colder.  
>And I don't think I can look at this the same.<br>But all the miles that separate,  
>Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face.<br>I'm here without you baby,  
>But you're still on my lonely mind.<br>I think about you baby,  
>And I dream about you all the time."<strong>_

_Here without You – 3 Doors Down_

* * *

><p><em><strong>July 25<strong>__**th**_

**Craig's POV**

_I had never known such a pleasant way to wake up. _

_I had no idea where I was. The bedroom looked rather small, although it would probably seem a lot bigger without the king sized bed that took up over half of the room. There was a giant TV across from where I was laying, which was mounted on the wall. There were two windows on the wall beside the bed, which were covered by brown curtains. A bit of sun poured in through the cracks between the wall and the curtains, giving the room the perfect amount of light for a peaceful awakening._

_I rolled over, just noticing that someone was lying next to me. I pulled back the blankets a bit, revealing a head of wavy read hair. I pushed a strand of hair away from her cheek, behind her ear. She stirred a bit, and I watched as her eyes fluttered open, revealing two beautiful green orbs which then stared right through mine. She snuggled in closer to my chest, and sighed deeply. "How was your sleep?" I said to her, while wrapping my arms around her small body. "It was great, probably because I slept next to you all night." She kissed my neck, and I chuckled. "I suppose I could say the same thing about you." I closed my eyes, and held her for another moment before sitting up, stretching, and sighing._

_I took a long, hard look at Ellie's face. She looked beautiful in the dim light of the bedroom. Her ivory skin was glowing, her green eyes were shining, and her hair was glistening. She was completely gorgeous, and she was all mine. She smiled at me, noticing me staring. "What are you staring at, Manning?" _

_I chuckled, and tried to respond in a witty, clever fashion. I opened my mouth to make a comeback, but no words came out. I tried again and again, but still, not a sound came out. I panicked, not knowing why I couldn't speak. It was very aggravating; however I continued trying to say whatever I had to say, unsuccessful each time. "Craig? Are you alright?" Ellie looked puzzled. _Now _I was getting annoyed. It was as if my vocal cords had been torn out from my throat. It was torture, really._

_The room suddenly turned completely black, but not dark in any way. I could still see Ellie, but I couldn't see anything else in the room around us. The bed, TV, and windows were gone, and we were in our normal clothing, rather than our PJs. I then attempted to ask her what was happening, but I still couldn't speak. I kept trying to make any sound at all, and with each unsuccessful attempt Ellie looked more disappointed, but more importantly, she began fading away. She was disappearing right before my eyes, becoming more and more transparent with each failed attempt at speaking. She started calling my name out, crying for help, and I tried running after her, but I couldn't even move. It was like I was bolted to the floor, or all my joints locked at the same time. Ellie began crying, and I tried my hardest to scream for help, to run to her, but it was no use at all._

_She called out my name one last time before disappearing completely, leaving me all by myself in what seemed like an abyss, with only a distant memory of her beautiful face._

I woke up in a cold sweat, tangled up in my bed sheets which were sticking to my legs. My hair was sticking to my face, and I felt sore and strained. I rubbed my eyes, sat up, and checked my clock. It was 7 in the morning. I fell asleep very early the day before; right after I left Ellie's house at around five thirty. I sighed, and pulled the sheets off of me. I was still exceptionally tired, despite the fourteen-odd hours of sleep I had that night.

I pulled on some pyjama pants, and went down the stairs to the kitchen, where Joey was making eggs for Angie. "Hey Craig, you're up oddly early." I took a seat at the table next to my half-asleep sister. "Yeah, I turned in early last night." I yawned, and watched as Joey turned off the stove, and piled three equal portions of scrambled eggs on three different plates. "You look shaken. Did you have a nightmare or something?" He brought my plate over to me and set it in front of me. I immediately started scarfing down the contents of the plate. After swallowing, I answered his question. "Yeah, but it wasn't a big deal or anything."

"Oh. Did you fix your girl problem?" Joey asked as he set a plate of food in front of Angie, whose head shot up the second she smelled the eggs. I chuckled at my sister, and turned my attention back to Joey. "Well, I went to Ellie's after our chat last night, and she completely ignored me." I stabbed a chunk of egg with my fork, and shoved it in my mouth. I hadn't realized that I missed dinner the night before, so I was starving. I looked over at Angie, who was also shovelling chunks of eggs into her small mouth faster than I was. "She must be really upset with you then." Joey ate his breakfast with a bit more manners than me and my sister, but it seemed like he didn't mind that Angie and I basically inhaled our food.

"It sounded like she was crying last night. But I don't see why she would be upset though, other than the fact that she hates Manny with a passion." I finished my plate of eggs at the same time as Angie, and looked Joey in the eye. Joey sighed, dismissed Angie, and took her plate over to the sink. "She likes you, Craig. If she was that upset over Manny kissing you, then she was probably jealous."

I shook my head. "Ellie doesn't like me. Remember Sean, my friend from grade nine? Well, they went out for like a year, and then he left a few months ago to go to Wasaga. They were living together and everything. "Joey turned around, looking puzzled. "Your point?" He asked.

"I just don't think she would be able to get over him that quickly, even for me. And, as we all know, I'm pretty awesome." I winked at Joey, and he chuckled. "Craig, just give her some space for a few days. She'll come around, and you'll be able to ask her what's going on." Joey smiled at me, and took my plate to the sink. "Thanks, Joey." I stood up and stretched. "I'm going to have a nap. Can Jimmy come over later?" Joey nodded, and began doing the dishes.

When I got back to my room, I immediately grabbed my cell phone from my bedside table. I scrolled down through my contacts, and sent out two texts.

**"Ellie,**

**Call me when you wake up please. I really need to talk to you.**

**-Craig."**

"**Jimmy,**

**When you wake up, give me a call. We should hang out today; Joey already said it was alright.**

**-Craig."**

I plopped down on my bed, suddenly realizing how tired I really was. I closed my eyes, and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

><p>A loud buzzing noise woke me up from my nap at around noon. I groaned a bit, turned over, and opened my eyes, being greeted by my cell phone blinking beside me. Jimmy texted me back, saying that he could come over whenever. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes before responding back, telling Jimmy to come over right now. I checked my inbox for any texts from Ellie, which- of course- there were none of. I sighed, and dragged myself out of bed to get ready.<p>

Jimmy only lived a few blocks away, so it only took him about ten minutes to arrive at my place. Joey was at the dealership for the day and Angie was at a friends' house for the day, so Jimmy and I had the place to ourselves. When I heard the doorbell ring, I rushed downstairs, answered the door and greeted Jimmy. The two of us then went out to the garage.

"I need your advice," I said as soon as I closed the door. Jimmy looked at me strangely for a moment, but then nodded. "Tell Dr. Jimmy your problems." I sighed, and took a seat on the couch across from Jimmy.

I told him every detail of my dream, aside from the girl being Ellie. "So, do you have any idea what it means?"

Jimmy thought for a moment, and then sighed. "I think it means that you need to tell this girl in your dream something you've been holding back on, or she'll disappear forever. But I could be wrong. Peoples' minds work in mysterious ways, so don't take my word on this." I contemplated what Jimmy said for a moment, but vetoed it almost immediately after realizing it was a terrible idea. "I can't tell her how I feel, man. It would be too weird."

"Who is this girl, anyway? If I knew who she was, I'd be able to tell you what to do, probably." I pursed my lips, and lay down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. "Promise you won't tell?"

"What are we, thirteen? Do you want me to pinkie promise or something?" Jimmy joked, and then sighed, realizing that I was serious. "I won't tell anybody. I promise." He rolled his chair closer to the couch, waiting patiently for the truth to come out.

"Ah... It's Ellie." I looked over at Jimmy, who had obviously not expected my little crush to be on Ellie Nash. After a long silence, Jimmy finally spoke. "Err... Excuse my reaction, but she's not really your type, Craig."

"I'm aware of that, Jim. I don't know what it is about her, though. She's funny, clever, cute... I can't get her out of my head." I glanced at Jimmy, who looked as if he was in deep thought. "Do you really, really like her?" He finally said. "Yes. I like her a lot. She's the reason I broke up with Ash."

"Well, you just have to ask yourself something, Craig. Would you rather risk your friendship by telling her how you feel? Or risk never having her by not telling her how you feel?"

After Jimmy said those words of wisdom, I knew what I had to do.

* * *

><p><strong>Ellie's POV<strong>

If I had to choose the most unpleasant way to wake up, this would definitely be my answer.

I opened my eyes to the bright sun beaming from my window. I was still curled up in the same position that I fell asleep in, and to add to the blazing heat, I was wearing a sweater. I groaned, and sat up, despite the aching pain that shot throughout my limbs from sleeping on the hardwood floor. I had no idea how long I had been sleeping for, and I wasn't too eager to find out. I hated sleeping for too long, it made me feel like a complete slob. For a moment, I wondered why my arm was so sore, but then the events from the day before came rushing back to me. Seeing Manny and Craig kissing, Manny's insulting comments, cutting myself...

I groaned again. "Jesus, Ellie, you're so stupid!" I said out loud, beating my head against the wall behind me. That wasn't the smartest idea, seeing as it just added to the pain throughout my body. However, I didn't mind much. At this point, I liked the pain. It helped.

I would have cried if I had any tears left, which sounds so awfully cliché, however it was true. My eyes were drier than they ever had been in my life, and could still feel that damn lump in my throat that you get before you cry. I sighed, and stood up, feeling dizzy the second I was vertical again. The scars beneath my sleeves burned, so I decided to see what they looked like. I pulled my sleeve down to my elbows, and inspected the cuts from the night before.

There were five cuts in a row going down my arm, which was covered in dry blood. The skin around the slashes was beet red and sore. I ran my fingers along the cuts, and then along older, faded scars from previous relapses. My fingers found their way to the center of my forearm, where a small, white, horizontal scar was barely even visible. It could be mistaken for a scratch made by a fingernail.

I swallowed back a few tears I didn't think I had left, and pulled my sleeve down again. I sighed, and sat down on my bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my cell phone blinking on my desk. I stood up and walked over, and saw that I had two texts from Craig; one from last night at 7, and one from this morning at 7. I deleted both texts before reading them, and once I dismissed both messages I saw what time it was. It was 4 PM, and I had been sleeping for 23 hours. I groaned once more, and sat down in my computer chair.

I hadn't checked my e-mail in a week, so Ashley would have e-mailed at least three times since then. I clicked on the e-mail icon on my desktop and waited while it loaded up. Of course, I had two e-mails from Ash, and one from Craig. I deleted the one from Craig, and clicked on the first of two e-mails from Ashley. It was in response to me telling her that Craig liked Manny. Ashley must have been furious; I could almost see the anger pouring out of the screen.

As much as I wanted to tell Ashley all about Manny and Craig, what Manny said to me, and my recent relapse, I couldn't. And quite frankly, I was too lazy to do so. I just sighed, marked the e-mail as un-read, and pretended that I never even saw it. The second e-mail from Ashley was just basically asking me where I was, and why I hadn't responded, so I deleted that one as well.

I sighed, and decided I'd have a nap. Although I had been sleeping for an entire day, I really had nothing better to do. I turned off my monitor, walked over to my large bed and plopped down, then pulled the sheets up to my chin.

Before drifting off, I let a few tears escape. I guess you can never cry too much.

* * *

><p>After a two hour nap, I had another unpleasant awakening. Although my eyes remained crammed shut trying to ward off the afternoon sunlight drifting in, I was awake. The inevitable fact that I would be opening them to the sudden glare of a brightly lit room made me nauseous. I rolled over, pulling my blankets over my head. Opening my eyes in the dark didn't hurt at all, however after I slowly pulled the blanket down, revealing inch after inch of my face, I felt the burn of the late afternoon sun on my drowsy eyes. I groaned, shut my eyes up tight, and buried myself under the covers once again<em>. Back to square one.<em>

I was almost back asleep until a violent knocking on my door shocked me into pulling my blankets off in a huff and my head popping out from the mess of sheets and pillows. "What?" I croaked in my weak, but angry, post-nap voice. I heard my door creak open. "You've been in this room for an entire day, Ellie. Come downstairs, you have company." I buried myself in my blankets- and sorrow- once again. "If this 'company' is Craig, tell him I'm not buying whatever he's selling." My mother sighed. "It's not Craig. It's Alex." There was a hint of disgust in her voice when she said Alex's name. This made me giggle a bit. My mother never had a liking for Alex Nunez, which was one of the many reasons I liked her so much. "Fine, tell her I'll be down in a minute."

I could almost hear my mother smile, followed by her shutting my door. After she left, I pulled my blankets off and hopped out of bed, and examined myself in the mirror. My hair was a mess, I had bags under my beet-red eyes and my makeup from the day before ago was smudged and gross-looking. I groaned and brushed my hair a bit before putting it up in a messy pony tail, then wiped the remainder of my makeup off. It was the best I could do on short notice, but it was just Alex anyway. She'd probably make a few jokes about my appearance, and then let it go afterward. I guess that's another reason I liked Alex.

After putting on a pair of jeans and a new sweater, I left my room to go downstairs.

In a way, I was not surprised that the person standing in my living room was not Alex. In another way, it angered me to my core. "You're not Alex." I mumbled, giving Craig my trademark death stare. "Last time I checked, I was Craig," I turned back around to go upstairs after hearing Craig's stupid attempt at a joke. "Ellie, please talk to me."

"Why should I?" I stood on the fourth step of the staircase motionless, not wanting to turn back to look at his pathetic face. He sighed. "I've called, texted, e-mailed, and still no response from you. I miss you, and I want to know why you've been avoiding me for the past few weeks. So please, come outside so we can talk."

I could have just ran upstairs, locked my door and drowned my sorrows in some death metal and a good book, but after turning around and seeing how sincere Craig looked (for once in his life), I decided against it, and gave him a chance. "You have five minutes, Manning. Craig smiled, grabbed my hand and led me outside. We sat on the doorstep beside each other in silence for a while. "What do you want?" I mumbled, breaking the tedious silence. "Like I said inside, I've missed you. I needed to see you." Craig sighed, and turned to look at me. I looked down at my arm, which was still burning from the cuts I made the day before. "Shouldn't you be with Manny?"

"Why? I haven't even seen Manny since I told her off at the Dot last week." Craig sounded and looked completely clueless. I didn't buy it. "Oh, spare me your 'I don't know what you're talking about' attitude, Craig. She told me everything." I sighed, and looked back up at Craig, who was looking down at his converse-clad feet. "What has she been saying, El?"

I told him everything that Manny said, from me being a helpless emo to him taking pity on me. Craig's emotions changed from confused, to pissed off, to completely getting the situation. "Whatever she told you was a lie, Ellie. She's just jealous."

Now I was the confused one. "Jealous of what?" I looked into Craig's blue-green eyes, wondering if he was telling the truth or not. "Of our friendship, maybe? I don't really know. But what I do know is that she's the crazy one, not you. And I wouldn't ever say anything like that about you in a million years. Well, maybe back when I was ignorant and a complete dumbass last year, but you know..." I laughed a bit at Craig's rant. I felt so guilty for cutting now. I really should have known that Manny was just trying to start a fight. "I know what you mean. You know me now, and I shouldn't have been so stupid and think that you were actually getting back together with that-"

"Slut?" Craig smiled, and I giggled a bit. He put his arm around me and leaned on my shoulder. "I've missed you a lot, El." I leaned on him too, and we sat there for a few moments in complete silence. Craig lifted his head off my shoulder, and looked me in the eye. "By the way, I'm flattered that you were so jealous... I always knew you had a thing for me, Nash." Craig winked at me, and I hit him in the shoulder. "Only in your wet dreams, Manning."


End file.
